FREE online courses on Handling Our Own Aggression & Anger - Level II
Methods for reducing or controlling anger - Use catharsis
Privately vent your feelings, get them off your chest. There
are three skills involved:
(a) realizing
your feelings,
(b) learning to
express feelings,
(c) learning to
drain or discharge your feelings.
Some of the hotly debated pros and cons about this method
have already been reviewed under "Frustration and Aggression" above. The
pro-catharsis side is made up of dynamic and psychoanalytic therapists and
popular folklore (Lincoln recommended writing down your feelings, then tearing
up the paper). The anti-catharsis side is made up of personality researchers who
believe that venting anger is just one more trial of learning to be aggressive.
Certainly, one has to be on guard against this happening. Recall that under
"Internal Dynamics" we discussed that one way for anger to build was via
anger-generating fantasies, i.e. reliving an irritating experience over and over
and getting madder and madder in the process (actually if you remained calm, it
would be desensitization!). Thus, current theories make all kinds of
predictions: anger is thought to grow if it is fully expressed
or unexpressed or imagined or
totally denied. In other words, psychologists don't agree, strongly indicating
we don't understand anger very well yet.
The practical distinctions between a "swallower" and an
"exploder" are especially clear when applying this method. An inhibited,
suppressed person must first learn to accept all of his/herself, including the
scary boiling rage. The "swallower" has had years of socialization: "Don't get
so mad." "Stop acting like a little baby." "Wipe that smirk off your face before
I knock it off." So one of his/her first tasks is to recognize his/her anger and
learn to express it when alone. On the other hand, the "exploder" should have no
difficulty venting his/her anger, it comes naturally, except now he/she has to
learn to do it alone so it won't hurt anyone.
Healthy, effective venting will probably involve (a) exhaustion, i.e. vigorously expressing the
feelings (punching a pillow, crying about the hurts) until you are drained, (b)
an intention and belief (or
self-suggestion) that venting will rid you of the
accumulated anger forever, and (c) an
open-mindedness to new insights as the angry feelings are expressed
physically, verbally, and in your thoughts. Observe the consequences of your
venting carefully, if it isn't working, try some other approach.
"ventilating anger directly can be cathartic, but only if it
restores your sense of control, reducing both the rush of adrenaline...and
reducing your belief that you are helpless or powerless." In other words,
expressing anger right in the other person's face feels good and gets the venom
out of your system if it works for you, i.e. rights some wrong or gets the other
person to change, and, at the same time, avoids creating more conflict and
stress. She admits that it is risky business when directly confronting the
person you are mad at. I agree and I'm not recommending direct, explosive, face-to-face attacks.
Catharsis occurs quite often in therapy where it is almost
universally considered therapeutic. But there is very little research into the
effectiveness of self-generated fantasy and exercises (like beating a pillow)
for venting and reducing anger. There is some evidence that expressing anger at
the time you are upset reduces aggression later. So, in spite of having little
relevant scientific information to guide us, I'd rely on extensive therapeutic
experience that says it helps to "get angry feelings out of our system."
