Level V
Unconscious factors
When you read the case histories of many depressed people, it
seems unlikely that the above methods will cure the enormous misery they suffer.
This is especially true of cases with abusive childhoods as described by
therapists cited in the section on shame or by Susan Forward in Toxic Parents or
Arthur Janov in The New Primal Scream. They all contend that it takes years to
overcome the feeling that you are unwanted, worthless, disgusting and so on. It
is my experience that some depressed people are helped with the
behavioral-cognitive-skills methods, particularly those struggling with losses
and mild depression. But those who were miserable as children, always feeling
alone and shame-filled, never liking themselves nor truly trusting others, and
remain profoundly unhappy, they are difficult to treat. It doesn't seem likely
that some simple advice, like "think positive," is going to cure them (but it
might help).
Although Freud would say, "I told you so 100 years ago,"
there have been several recent cases in which early childhood experiences of
trauma and abuse have suddenly popped into consciousness. These insights are
sometimes reported to be relieving--like a load is lifted. I believe some people
do need to unload their emotional burdens, their "unfinished business." But, I
don't believe every sad person was abused as a child. It is impossible, given
our knowledge today, to know the true and original "cause" of a person's
depression. I say this because the cause given for your depression depends on
what therapist you see, i.e. most psychiatrists would say "chemical imbalance,"
Beck and Ellis would say "faulty thinking," Seligman would say "helplessness and
pessimism," Bradshaw would say, "shame," etc. It is strange that each theorist
only sees his kind of depression. We haven't put the elephant together yet.
Certainly, some traits related to depression, especially to
shame, go back to the first few years of life. Indeed, many depressing attitudes
have a long history: feeling inferior, helplessness, pessimism, guilt,
self-criticalness, perfectionism, hypersensitiveness, shyness, dependency,
socially neediness, hostility, and being without systematic values to guide our
lives. Naturally, theorists are prone to blame parents for the weaknesses
starting in childhood. We should keep in mind however that just as the guilty,
sad, self-critical, shame-filled person may have learned those things in
childhood, the angry, degrading, neglectful parent developed his/her basic
personality as a child too. You can't point the finger of blame at just one
person; it's more complex than that.
If you could learn to understand the development of any of
the just mentioned factors or if you became more aware of how these feelings
show themselves in subtle ways, you might be in a better position to reduce
their impact on your life. Example: suppose you grew up feeling that you were
slighted by your parents and concluded it was because you did not deserve to be
dealt with fairly and as a worthy person. If you understood the origin and
irrationality of this low self-concept, you might stop your self-put-downs,
start seeing your strengths, and begin to tactfully demand your rights with
others, i.e. stop responding with self-put downs like you did as a 10-year-old.
Here are some "insight" methods:
Read some insight-oriented psychological writings about
depression, then self-explore and try to figure out your own dynamics. Assume
the responsibility for getting insight into your life. Check your ideas out in a
support group. You may have a thoughtful friend, if you are very lucky, with
whom you can discuss the causes of your depression, but often you are on your
own to "analyze" your psyche. I have already cited references in the specific
areas of depression.
These are unconsciously motivated interactions with others in
which we may goof up and/or get put-down, thus confirming our childhood beliefs
that we are inferior and undeserving. Once we know that we are designing our own
failures (and for "sick" reasons stemming from early childhood), we can use our
Adult intelligence to stop these self-defeating games.
Depression is often associated with, maybe even concealed by,
other emotions, especially anger and guilt. Research reveals that anger with the
spouse is often the true source of depression. Therefore, the other emotions may
have to be dealt with before the sadness shows itself clearly. Then the
depression can be de-conditioned, attacked cognitively, or understood through
insight. Remember, our guilt may be unjustified (see section above) and our
anger is likely to be suppressed. Flanigan (1996) writes about forgiving
yourself. Often we are very angry about how we have been treated, but we have
been taught that it isn't nice to be hostile (and besides it may actually be
dangerous), so we don't talk about it. Venting might help. Determinism too.
In some cases, for instance with shame, it may be necessary
to uncover the original early childhood pain that made us feel inadequate. Then
you can nurture the hurt, fragile inner child and build your self-esteem using
more rational and mature methods. Several ways of reducing shame are described
in the special section on shame above. Be sure to see John Bradshaw's books.
Chopich and Paul (1993) describe how our "inner child" may be
abandoned and shamed by our own "inner adult." When this happens the inner child
feels very negative about itself, including feeling bad, shame, fearful, and in
need of addictions to numb the hurts. Their treatment (it could be self-help)
involves encouraging our adult part to attend to, accept, protect, and take care
of our inner child. A healthy, protected inner child is very valuable to us; it
is intuitive, creative, passionate, full of wonder, playful, energized,
sensitive, wise, and fun. Basically, self-help of an insight nature for
depression involves getting to know our true feelings, i.e. understanding and
accepting our self, including our inner child. Self-esteem results, in part,
from our inner adult loving our inner child. Again, see the discussion of shame
in the previous section.
